Shalom Yehudim, achim you deserve to know the truth about the change in me. with a question?

Your problem is you are among conservative jews, conservative jews don't care about halacha, whether it is to love the ger or to keep the sabbath, if you want to live a jewish life you need a real conversion in an orthodox community, you were born a gentile in an interfaith family whether you like it or not, its no surprise your ideas about g-d were completely screwed up before you began your pursuit of a jewish life. If you get involved in an orthodox community the rabbis and jews will not only accept but expect the fact that you didn't know your "tush" from your elbow when it comes to Hashem. As to your dealings with Christianity, many of the most famous ger martyrs were christian/catholic priests who converted to Judaism only to be burned at the stake the day after going to the mikva. Moshe-rabbenu's father in law Yitro was the high preist of Idol worship for all of the Ishmaelites of Midian before converting. You are hardly unique and the misguided screwed-up liberal jews giving you a hard time are the ones with the problem, sadly in today's times they are not unique either...